Darling read my lips, we're going down like sinking ships.

never sleeping

Thursday

I wanted to show you something Jake

That's my tiger I drew in art class that I'm extremely proud of.

It was supposed to go into two art shows back in April, which i'm not sure if it did or not. i took it back though from school and made my art teacher just throw away the rest of my portfolio. this was pretty much the only thing i cared about. lol. i was scared mrs. white would just take it and i would never give it back. sorry, but she's a pretty darn creepy old lady.

anyway, now here's a bunch of random pictures i took with my cam.

i look absolutely crazy at three in the morning. crazy hair and stupid pictures.

don't judge me.

it would be more awesome if i had me and miranda's old distorted pictures. those are niiiiice. hahaha.

but, anyway. all night pretty much i've been eating cheerios, reading these, watching his videos, and talking to Luke. those scary stories in the link are pretty good if i must say so myself. oh, and matthew lush is a beast.

only gay guy that talks like that that i can stand.

now i'm gonna go change because this sweater is getting hot as heck.

byenow.

<33

Posted by KaylaDesirae | 12:48 AM

_____________

Monday

Listen to: Open Your Eyes - Snow Patrol

I'm displeased with these photos.
They look stupid.
But I have to put photos in my blogs, so... here they are.

Go here

Emotional portion of this post D:

I dislike ~~a lot about~~ myself. I dislike the fact that I have uncontrollable attacks at the worst times. It makes me scared to go places. I dislike my feelings for people when they don't have those feelings for me.

I dislike how I cry all the time over the dumbest things.

I feel like I was a terrible girlfriend when I've thrown my life away for a boy.

I dislike how I'm a hypocrite, even though it's to help other people.

I dislike how I can't listen to anyone because I'm stubborn and I always do the wrong thing. I always get myself into the worst situations after someone told me exactly what not to do but I do what I want anyway.

I dislike being a jealous person and wanting everything I can't have.

I'm an absolute train wreck and I can't fix myself.

I fought with a best friend last night that I think I'm losing, or I have lost. I cussed up a storm but everything I said was right. She threw me to the side just to talk on the phone with her boyfriend. She always made up excuses to not hang out with me when I would always ask. She ditched me as a friend so I found a new one. She got too caught up and was being absurd to Miranda just because she was actually there for me.

I gave up on her and she went crying to my friends and blaming things on me.

I almost don't want her back.

I don't think things would ever be the same with her.

I'm supposed to go have a big talk with her and Miranda tomorrow though.

I'll tell you how that goes.

Miranda and I went to our middle school the other day and took photos and passed the soccer ball around. We got hers stuck on the school roof though and had to get her dad to get it down. That was fuuuuun... We also chased geese. One almost flew after me though so we stopped... (:

little goose. :3

btw, notice how freaking green that grass is? gosh.

I went to the Nickelback concert the other night and it was fun. I practically lost my voice from screaming, singing, and yelling so much. Second best concert I've ever been to. The guy sitting next to me gave me a high five. Miranda had a great time too which is good. I'm glad I decided to go, I would have regretted it if I didn't.

Pretty sure my camera has the worst quality in the world.

but that's shinedown and they were amazing.

I recorded a lot but all you would hear is screaming and mumbles.

again, bad quality...

I miss a lot of things. I miss a lot of people. I miss Ty a lot and I miss Jason.

Jason thinks I dropped him as a friend because of Joey but I didn't. He just changed and he doesn't even realize it. He does too many drugs and hangs out with the bad crowd and I'm tired of him to be honest.

I miss all of my old friends that went to the high school I'm sure I'll never get to talk to again.

Ugh :(

I really love my best friend Jake.

I wish I could watch Family Guy and eat M&Ms with you. Oh, and play checkers. We have to do that when I come see you. You make my days better when you talk to me. I almost get up and dance when I notice you're online. No matter what I'm upset about you can always put a smile on my face. I'm not afraid to talk to you about anything or tell you anything. I don't know what I would do without you.

I know my life would be so much different.

I'm glad I talked to you.

You're one of the most important person to me in my life and I've never even personally met you. That's crazy.

I just know I never want to lose you. I'd risk my life to save yours. I'm lucky to have you.

I love you,
Jake!

Posted by KaylaDesirae | 9:59 PM

Tuesday

All I want is a chance,

just to see what would happen.

Posted by KaylaDesirae | 9:19 PM

it's complicated

Sunday

I'm awake and I can't sleep as usual. I looked up symptoms of Insomnia and I have 10/11 of the symptoms.

I can't fall asleep no matter what I do. I could lay in the dark for hours. I always wake up when I get around three or four hours of sleep, then I can't get back to sleep, no matter what. I feel tired and sluggish all day. I randomly get depressed and have breakdowns for no reason sometimes, or I'll think of one tiny thing and go mad over it. I have anxiety attacks often. Focusing was the reasons I was pulled out of school. My mind wonders too much and I'm forgetful and clumsy. I have constant headaches that I told my mema about. She says my mom has migraines and maybe I'm getting them, but I'm not sure. I also have constant nausea or stomach pains.

Ugh

I guess I'm going to talk to my mom about that tomorrow and see if I can see a doctor about it.

I don't have much to talk about, really. A lot has been going on, just nothing I want to tell. I'm still figuring things out. Trying not to be depressed.

I sound as if I'm such a messed up person.

ha. :(

I fought with my dad today over the phone just because I asked him for a ride to my moms house. He goes "you need to call ahead of time and let me know that you need a ride later, so I know!" and I was like "....that's what i'm doing...I'm not asking to go right now, I told you I need a ride later."

He got silent then said "you always baby your way out of things"

Usually if he's just yelling at me I can't say "I know" or "I understand" or his response will either be "you always say I know, but you DON'T KNOW" or "NO, you don't understand!"

I can't even say "i'm sorry..." or he will say sorry isn't good enough and to not even say it.

So when he gets to an end of a sentence I usually go with an "okay..." I can't talk back, and I can't say anything else without him screaming at me about it. If saying "okay" to something is considered as me 'babying my way out' then okay. Whatever.

I wont talk back to him and sit there for an hour having him scream at me.

I don't know what he expects out of me.

I start home school on Wednesday. I suppose Joey is coming over too, apparently. He wants to.

I'm missing him terribly. We haven't fought in a few days, which is good for us at least. Starting to talk a lot and actually have good conversations that don't make me or him upset. Sounds so bad that we fight so much.

Since I don't go to school and I rarely see anyone anymore I feel like he's the only thing I have.

I miss cuddling with him. :(

I'm not sure I even care what people say... I really love him. No one can truly change that no matter what they say to me.

I'm going to theeee Nickleback concert on Saturday with Miranda which should be a blasty blast and will hopefully give me a good time and make me feel better.

I went to a Bon Jovi concert on Tuesday but I only knew two of their songs and the entire time I was fighting with Joey and after all that Jake freaked out on me about Joey.

Overall, the concert was okay and it was nice to get out, but it wasn't great. And the seats were so high up and so steep i'm sure if you lost your footing and fell forward you would flip over all of the other seats and fall straight to the ground, and die. Great picture, right? I was scared to death sitting up there, especially when you had to try to get back to your seat by passing by the other people sitting down. Absolutely no room. I had my feet up and my knees pushed to my chest. No way I was going to take any risk of having a tragedy.

Plus people drink while they're at that concert! What if they pass out and fall over the seats. They would also knock all of the people in front of them down too! That's so terrible.

I highly doubt I'm going to sit that high in a concert ever again.

Maybe I'll steal someones seats if they don't show up. :3

This was the concert.
That was my favorite song they played.

prettysexy~

Oh, and by the way Jake...

Get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.

Posted by KaylaDesirae | 10:53 PM

Questions

Thursday

Have you ever~

Fallen off the bed?: Yes, d:

Broken someone else's heart?: Yes, I have.

Had your heart broken?: Well yesss.

Had a dream come true?: I suppose. Hopefully meeting Jake sometime. That would be a dream come true. (:

Currently~

Wearing: Cut off jeans, and a black and white plaid V-neck.

Listening to: The television, watching some movie that I bought but got bored of.

Located: In my living room.

Chatting with: Jake, Miranda, & Aaron.

Should really be: Finishing the grocery list I started making.

Do you~

Have any piercings: Well, one of my ears. Stretching my ears didn't work out so well, left ear got infected. I had to take it out and now it's back to normal.

Drive: I wish.

Drink: Occasionally. If I have a drink in my hand, I will drink it.

Have a cell phone: Of course.

Last person you~

Hugged: Joey.

IMed: Jake.

Talked with on the phone: Joey.

Text: Joey, haha.

Personal

What do you want to be when you grow up? Photographer, I suppose.

What comes first in your life? My best friends.

What do you usually think about before you go to bed? Depends on what happened that day.

Favorites

Show: Probably Chowder, Flapjack, or That 70's Show. O3O

Store: Any vintage store, and Urban Outfitters.

Food: Junk food.

Color: Green and light blue.

Do you~

Like to give hugs: I love giving hugs. :3
Like to walk in the rain: Mhm, and playing in the rain.
Prefer black or blue: Blueee.
Sleep on your side: Sometimes, :P
Have stuffed animals: Many, actually.

This or that

Pierced nose or tongue: Nose of course. Tongue piercings are gross. :/

MTV or BET: MTV, I don't even know what BET is.

7th Heaven or Dawsons Creek: Gay, neither.

Chocolate or flowers: Probably flowers.

Color or black-and-white photos: Depends on what the picture is of. I really like black and white photos if it has emotion. If not, I really like color.

Stay up late or sleep in: Stay up then sleep in, of course.
Hot or cold: Warrmmm.

Sun or moon: Moon. (:

Left or Right: Left.

10 Acquaintances or one best friend: One best friend.

Spring or Fall: Fall.

Happy or sad: Happy, there's no point in being sad.

Wonder or amazement: Wonder.

Firsts

First Screen Name: I have absolutely no idea. It was something really dorky, like Kacie4dogs, I believe. I used to go by Kacie.
First self purchased CD: Probably Green Day. I'm awesome.
First pet: A white kitty named Tigger. Unless frogs count. I kept a lot of those. (:
First piercing/tattoo: Haven't gotten those yet.

Lasts

Last good cry: Yesterday. Just being so confused.Last phone call: From Joey about an hour ago.Last time showered: This morning.

Current

Current mood: Confused and a little sad.
Current food: Nothing, I haven't eaten all day.
Current hair: Wet. Still.
Current annoyance(s): Not being able to decide, and wanting what I can't have.

Who last~

Made you smile: Jake.

Saw you cry: Joey.

Would you rather~

Be serious or be funny? Funny, serious is boring.

Drink whole or skim milk? No idea what the difference is, to be honest.

Spend time with your parents or enemies? Neither.

Do you prefer~

Do you prefer gray or black? Probably gray.

Lust or love? Love, of course...

Sunrise or sunset? Sunset.

M&M's or skittles? M&M's :D

Answer truthfully

Do you like anyone? Yes.

Do you believe in love at first sight? No. I consider that lust.

Do you fall for the wrong guy or girl? Apparently.

Posted by KaylaDesirae | 2:15 PM

Tuesday

You are still a whisper on my lips. A feeling at my fingertips. That's pulling at my skin

You leave me when I'm at my worst. Feeling as if I've been cursed. Bitter cold within

Listen to: Dirty Vegas - Days Go By

Cut my hair, yo.

not like you noticed... :c

here's some bull...

(((Lately I've had a lot of trouble with cops and it's been pretty annoying. I'll just tell you what went down.

So Friday around eleven at night I was with Anthony, Justice, and Miranda. We decided to play truth or dare in Reasors for a while which was pretty fun. Until... we got to an open dare for Miranda which meant she had to go somewhere else while we decided her dare for her. She was just waiting and weighing cabages, nothing bad. So she comes back and this cop (he's really a security person, but imma call him cop) came up and told us we were reported by two people that we were throwing cabages around. Rediculous. He said one of the reporters was also the manajor! Anthony also works there and he just got off.

Anyway, the next day we went back to reasors to wait for Anthony to get off work again. Miranda and I went to go buy lip gloss and noticed a cop following us around. We knew he was because he was pretending to look at makeup. Smooth. So we told Justice when we got back over to him and we were just sitting at the tables talking and the cop comes and sits at the table behind us. Miranda and I get up to go buy a fake mustache and the cops goes over to Justice when we were gone and told him he was orderd to follow us because apparently we've been stealing. Also rediculous. I've never stolen a thing from there. He wasn't told to follow Justice, just Miranda and I. Pissed Justice off so much, and the cop even threatened him when we were just about to leave.

Of course we can't do anything about it so, we had to let it go and say whatever about it.

Yesterday, I was walking home from Reasors from getting a snack with Joey too and there was this fucking cop that stopped us right in the middle of the road while we were trying to get accross. He asked us why we weren't in school and I say "we're hoemschooled" he give the dumbest smirk ever that just made me want to say go fuck yourself and walk off but he rolls his eyes and looks back at us and asks again "why aren't you in school". I was like "wow, dude. I said we were home schooled". Anyway he just told us to stay on the sidewalks which is stupid and drove off. Whatever.)))
Bull, now over.

Something that has been really stressing me out lately is Jake. We've really never fought, never yelled, never got angry at eachother. We've been fighting though. I hate having arguments with my best friend... I also hate argueing about something I don't understand. I hate haveing flaws, and I miss being flawless to him.

I don't want things to change, because he means a lot to me.

Tonight I have to go to some concert. I keep forgetting who it is, but I know that I don't know him and I wont enjoy being there. I have to go with my mom and her boyfriend and Adam, her boyfriends son. I only agreed to go so I would have something to do, but now I regret it. I'd rather just stay home and talk on Gaia all night or something. But no, I promised I would go and they paid for me. Man. ):

I talked to one of my old friends last night, Johnny. (: He made my night. I can surely say it was the most we've ever talked though. He's really silly. He's also an artist~

haha, he was trying to explain to me what the picture would look like if a webcam was broken.

We got on Omegle and had some interesting conversations with people.

Johnny's conversation

Stranger: You are in a forest, you have a stapler, a roll of duct tape, a shoe, and a helium balloon.

In front of you there is an enraged Platypus slowly walking towards you. How do you escape?

You: uhhh... kill it with fire

Stranger: No fire.
Stranger: The Platypus grows closer...

Johnny Jett says:

what is this shit

kayla says:
LOL

stomp on dat bitch

Johnny Jett says:

You: bash it's head in with the shoe then staple the motherfucker to a got damn tree and duct tape it so it stays there

You: *goddamn

Stranger: Roll to hit? (Y/N)

Stranger: 1-20

You: Y

Stranger: ... 6
Stranger: You barely miss the platypus, leaving an inprint on the ground..
Stranger: the platypus lunges towards you

wtf

kayla says:

lol, I have a feeling you can't win at this game.

Johnny Jett says:

i know i gave up xD

Kayla's Conversation

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: mexican?

Stranger: oui

You: what the shit does that mean

Stranger: it means FUCK BEANERS

You: GO DIE

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

Jonny's Conversation

Stranger: hi

Stranger: i don't want to sex

Stranger: i just want ti chat

You: sex?

Stranger: no

You: sex?
Stranger: no

Kayla's Conversation

kayla says:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: sup, 17,m,can

You: can?

Stranger: a soda can genius, CANADA

You: :c

You: DON'T BE SARCASTIC

You: BITCH

You: 16/f/bottle

Stranger: lol bottle.

You: harhar

You have disconnected.

lamest conversation I've had so far. ha.

Johnny Jett says:

XDDDDD

Johnny's Conversation

Stranger: hi asl pls?=)
You: 15/f/aus

Stranger: im 17

Stranger: do u like cockpiercing?

You: yes

You: i have one

Stranger: where do u have one?=)

You: on my cock

Stranger: but u ar F?

You: yep

He's pretty rad. (:

Anyway, I need to go get dressed, I'm in pj's still and I have to leave in about an hour.

Kayla out.

Word to your mother.

Also,
Listen to this.
Love you, Jake.

Posted by KaylaDesirae | 1:47 PM

Saturday

~Just because

I've been taken out of school now. I was officially signed out last week sometime, I believe. I can't even remember. I haven't started home schooling yet. My mema was supposed to get the books today. I'm not sure if she did.

I haven't gotten a job yet. I thought I would get one when I've gotten used to the schooling schedule and whatnot.

and blah blah blah.

So today I went down to the lake with Miranda.

We took some pictures aaaaand they're aight, I guess.

nothing special, and they wont be on my flickr. :/

After the lake we went to see my mom's boyfriends son, Adam, play soccer. Then we went to see my mom play soccer! She had two games today, so we were at the place for a really long time. Miranda and I passed a ball back in forth in the front of the place, just for fun. It was fun but she had to run through mud to get the ball once and I also fell slipping on rocks. I now have a bruise on my thigh. Lame.

I have a sunburn though, and I've really never had one in my entire life. That's fun. My face hurts.

ohhh, and I think I'm going to get into soccer. Everyone keeps saying it's a stupid sport and it's boring. ): I love it though so go fry an egg on the sidewalk, lint lickers. I'm doing it anyways.

It'll be fun. ;)

I'm really ~~really really really really really really~~ anxious to go to New Jersey to meet the wonderful bestest best bester better than best in the universe best friend, that's a boy, when I'm eighteen. I'm so excited you don't even know. We will have so much fun it'll blow your mind!

That's a lot of fun.

mmmmmm, cannot wait. ((:

This blog isn't to interesting but I desperately needed a new post, so here it is.

Joey and I have been fighting a lot it's gotten insane. We weren't supposed to talk until Sunday but yesterday he texted me saying he wanted to talk. So we did. Things are better right now and I really hope it stays that way.

He has been great today and I'm really happy. I'm going to a movie with him, his dad, and his brother on Monday. Then maybe going back to their house. I'm excited.

I have a million more things to say but I'll leave them for the next blog. It'll be better, I promise.

Tomorrow is Easter and that'll be fun. ;) I'll have stories. Anyway, I'm gonna go shower.

Later Gator's<3

Oh, by the way. Since the bestest of the best bester best just best friends in the world of all worlds, that's a girl, did this I have to show you how cute and amazing it is. She wrote all of this for me! (:

Check it out.

Posted by KaylaDesirae | 10:42 PM