Darling read my lips, we're going down like sinking ships.

it's complicated

Sunday

I'm awake and I can't sleep as usual. I looked up symptoms of Insomnia and I have 10/11 of the symptoms.

I can't fall asleep no matter what I do. I could lay in the dark for hours. I always wake up when I get around three or four hours of sleep, then I can't get back to sleep, no matter what. I feel tired and sluggish all day. I randomly get depressed and have breakdowns for no reason sometimes, or I'll think of one tiny thing and go mad over it. I have anxiety attacks often. Focusing was the reasons I was pulled out of school. My mind wonders too much and I'm forgetful and clumsy. I have constant headaches that I told my mema about. She says my mom has migraines and maybe I'm getting them, but I'm not sure. I also have constant nausea or stomach pains.

Ugh

I guess I'm going to talk to my mom about that tomorrow and see if I can see a doctor about it.

I don't have much to talk about, really. A lot has been going on, just nothing I want to tell. I'm still figuring things out. Trying not to be depressed.

I sound as if I'm such a messed up person.

ha. :(

I fought with my dad today over the phone just because I asked him for a ride to my moms house. He goes "you need to call ahead of time and let me know that you need a ride later, so I know!" and I was like "....that's what i'm doing...I'm not asking to go right now, I told you I need a ride later."

He got silent then said "you always baby your way out of things"

Usually if he's just yelling at me I can't say "I know" or "I understand" or his response will either be "you always say I know, but you DON'T KNOW" or "NO, you don't understand!"

I can't even say "i'm sorry..." or he will say sorry isn't good enough and to not even say it.

So when he gets to an end of a sentence I usually go with an "okay..." I can't talk back, and I can't say anything else without him screaming at me about it. If saying "okay" to something is considered as me 'babying my way out' then okay. Whatever.

I wont talk back to him and sit there for an hour having him scream at me.

I don't know what he expects out of me.

I start home school on Wednesday. I suppose Joey is coming over too, apparently. He wants to.

I'm missing him terribly. We haven't fought in a few days, which is good for us at least. Starting to talk a lot and actually have good conversations that don't make me or him upset. Sounds so bad that we fight so much.

Since I don't go to school and I rarely see anyone anymore I feel like he's the only thing I have.

I miss cuddling with him. :(

I'm not sure I even care what people say... I really love him. No one can truly change that no matter what they say to me.

I'm going to theeee Nickleback concert on Saturday with Miranda which should be a blasty blast and will hopefully give me a good time and make me feel better.

I went to a Bon Jovi concert on Tuesday but I only knew two of their songs and the entire time I was fighting with Joey and after all that Jake freaked out on me about Joey.

Overall, the concert was okay and it was nice to get out, but it wasn't great. And the seats were so high up and so steep i'm sure if you lost your footing and fell forward you would flip over all of the other seats and fall straight to the ground, and die. Great picture, right? I was scared to death sitting up there, especially when you had to try to get back to your seat by passing by the other people sitting down. Absolutely no room. I had my feet up and my knees pushed to my chest. No way I was going to take any risk of having a tragedy.

Plus people drink while they're at that concert! What if they pass out and fall over the seats. They would also knock all of the people in front of them down too! That's so terrible.

I highly doubt I'm going to sit that high in a concert ever again.

Maybe I'll steal someones seats if they don't show up. :3

This was the concert.
That was my favorite song they played.

prettysexy~

Oh, and by the way Jake...

Get in the kitchen and make me a sandwich.

Posted by KaylaDesirae | 10:53 PM