Darling read my lips, we're going down like sinking ships.

emotional jumble;

Monday

Story time.

yesterday was the most fun i've had with my friends in a while. i've missed John and Kat.

so Miranda, Justice, and i went to Rooster Days and it was pretty lame, i must say. i saw a person i didn't expect to see and hoped not to see there. we got really bored there so we called John and asked him to pick us up so we could go to a movie with him and Kat. we left the fair to wait for them and we sat on these steps by a thrift shop. everything in it looked really amazing, i'm thinking about going back and checking everything out. anyway, after John got there he drove us to the theater and we went up to buy tickets and realized the movie we wanted to see was rated R and we all had to be seventeen to get in. no fun. so we decided to see The Losers at a later time and we left for a while to kill some time. we ended up going to the mall and Justice brought us to hot topic and Miranda and i walked around just looking at things. we were walking past the pants and found Justice and he was trying his little blood energy thing he bought from there and talking to one of the guys that works there. i was just standing next to Miranda and i suddenly feel a sting on my wrist and yell "ow!". i look up and it was one of the guys that work there, he slapped my wrist with one of those slap-y bracelets. ya know? he laughed though, and it was actually kind of cute.

for some reason he wont get out of my mind, which is kind of dumb. right?

he was pretty attractive.

after the mall we went back to the movies and watched The Losers and it surprised me. it was actually a pretty good movie with some funny parts in it. i was talking about this guys teeth in the movie to Miranda and a guy in front of us shushed me. i felt really rude and kind of bad, ha. i've never been shushed before.

after thaaaat, miranda and i went back to my house. all in all, it was a great night.

i miss Jake more than anyone in the world.

my days haven't been the same without him.

i miss his voice and his laugh. i feel like i'm drifting a way from him.

i haven't had a real conversation with him in a while and it makes me terribly sad.

</\\\/\/\///\/3

back to reality. my anxiety has been really bad lately.

i've had a lot of things going on such as Jake, Joey, Ty, Lukas, loneliness, my own thoughts, my dog, school work, & lack of sleep.

i really think i might be going crazy but i wont tell you about it.

i have so much i want to say to certain people but i just can't.

god...

Don't read this unless you know me personally,

otherwise it's just really annoying jibber jabber that means nothing.

i'm just going to type everything i want to say to these people, and not say who they are.

if you read this and you know exactly what i'm talking about and think it's directed towards you, it probably is.

Dear you, you're extremely selfish in your own way. it's a way that hurts me and only me. not the people around you and not you, just me. i've already told you my feelings so i'm not hiding anything anymore. even though they're finally going away because we haven't talked in so long, i wish they could stay without me not wanting them and i wish things were different. i don't see things being how i want them though. it would just be nice if you actually took a chance for once with something. you drive me crazy. i hate what you do to me.

Dear you, you're wrong and I love you.

Dear you, i wish i never let you back into my life because it was obviously a mistake.

you showed me that you're nothing more than a memory, and never was a good anything.

especially a best friend.

thanks for turning on me over a lie.

Dear you, I wish I could help. i make too many mistakes and you see them all of the time. i wish you didn't.

i do everything i can, but i can't help you.

it tears me apart so badly, you have no idea.

i don't even know why.

Dear you, you lied.

you messed with my emotions too much and confused me with Joey.

i'm glad i never listened to you.

i don't want to turn out how you did.

you've changed, and i don't like it.

okay, i'm done D:

Anyway, Miranda and i were thinking about putting a video up. i'll do that in my next post.

i'll also actually have photos. i forgot to bring my USB cord. oh no!

i've been slightly busy with Miranda and seeing Joey. (:

so i haven't had any new photography photos,

except for this. which is the photo above.

OH, and my mom didn't order my gloomy bear yet. sadface.

see. my mom has this thing where she'll say yes to something but you have to remind her about it last minute or she'll think you forgot and she wont do it and try to get away with it.

she tries to cover herself by trying to say she "forgot"

pfft, i'm smart. i wont fall for that.

that makes me think of when i was little and my mom would be paying for her items and i'll want some quarters to get something out of those little machines. she would always be like "i don't have any money, sweetie" and all i remember is thinking in my mind "yes you do. you have to have money because you're paying for our food"

now that i understand why should would say that i find it silly that i thought she was just being mean.

well there is a little story for Mother's Day.

Well I'm going to go lay in bed now,

and think about Joey.

I miss him bunches. I wish I could fall asleep with him.

Posted by KaylaDesirae | 1:29 AM